While casual dating has its benefits such as enjoying yourself without worrying about where things are going (which can be such a drab), this fun, dreamy feeling can’t last forever.
Sooner or later, if you really like the guy, you’re going to want to know what you guys are actually doing and where you’re headed.
Defining the relationship too quickly can backfire, though. How long should you casually date someone before you DTR?
Here’s the lowdown.
Consider the eight-week rule
Right, there’s a rule out there that states you should date someone for about eight weeks before you define the relationship. This makes sense because it’s two whole months of spending time with someone and getting to know them. You’ve probably also had deep conversations by now (hopefully) that have increased your emotional intimacy.
Don’t want to casually date someone anymore? Here’s how to shift things
If you want to define the relationship so you know exactly where you stand with the person, there are some important tips to bear in mind so that the chat goes smoothly.
1. Have the chat in a calm, quiet place: A crazy club when you’re both drunk and can’t hear each other over the pounding music shouldn’t be the location for The Talk. You want to be able to talk to each other properly, so choose a calm, quiet setting. You also want to remember the conversation the next day.
2. Do it in person: You don’t need a shaky internet connection to derail when you try to DTR via video chat. Similarly, you don’t want to try to chat about where things are headed via WhatsApp. Imagine being left on read now? Ugh. Make sure you always have the talk in person so you’ll get the answers you need right away.
3. Never say need to talk: Telling the person you need to talk to them is sure to set off sirens in their head. Rather try to start talking about things during a natural conversation. It’s all about finding the right moment, so be patient.
4. Share how you feel: Don’t ask them point-blank what they want or how they feel about you. It’s helpful to start by sharing how you feel, such as by telling them how much you enjoy their company or what you’re hoping to gain from a relationship. This enables you to ask them where they’re at.
5. It might be good to do it before meeting the folks: Everyone knows that when you meet each other’s families, it’s usually a sign that you’re getting a bit more serious. It might help you to have The Talk before this event happens, especially because your loved ones are going to be wondering, or asking you directly, what’s up with you guys.
6. Prepare yourself for their response: It helps to think about the worst-case scenario, such as that the person could tell you you’re not their type or they’re “not ready” for a relationship. Working through how this would make you feel can help you to prepare and figure out what that would mean for you moving forward, such as if you’d want to remain friends with the person or not.