We love our partners dearly and never want anything to go wrong in our relationships, but, things sometimes get hard and we end up fighting and arguing over petty or serious matters.
Now, while arguing to resolve a conflict is alright, but things start going wrong when instead of solutions the arguments ignite and take a bad turn.
It could be blaming, lack of communication or even something as simple as not maintaining eye contact!
So, to make things easy for you, here we list 5 things that could be making your arguments worse with your spouse.
1. You aren’t talking but yelling
When your emotions are running high and you are all angry with the other person, it is easy to lose control and begin shouting or talking rudely to prove your point. Speaking harshly or criticizing your partner in the heat of the moment, can cut deep leaving lasting wounds that do not solve but rather put more fuel to the fire. When you are angry you might also hit on their sensitive spots which can very easily hurt them and do more harm than you would have thought. So, next time, when you argue with your partner, try not to yell or use harsh language if you want a peaceful resolution of the conflict.
2. Not taking their emotions into account
Neglecting to acknowledge or empathize with your partner’s emotions can fuel the fire in an argument. Dismissing their feelings or plainly not agreeing to why they feel hurt or angry will make them unimportant to you and also alone in the struggle. When you dismiss their emotions it will make them feel unheard and unimportant, which will only add on to the frustration. Thus, make sure to actively listen to them and show some empathy as they discuss what caused the hurt.
3. Leaving mid-argument
Shutting down or isolating yourself during the argument or storming off before you guys reach a conclusion to the problem, can be bad for resolving the issue and for your relationship as well. This will tell your partner that you are unable to face your emotions at once and tend to leave midway resolving a fight. Giving your partner the silent treatment, creates a communication barrier between the two of you which will make it impossible to resolve the issue. Instead, try to stay engaged in the conversation and try to answer each other’s questions.
4. Blaming each other
Blame-shifting on one another can worsen your arguments. As you point fingers on one another regarding what caused the argument, it is highly likely that you will end up confused and even more deeper in the conflict pit than you were before. This will shove away any opportunity for problem-solving and will create an atmosphere of hostility, where neither of you will be comfortable in solving the conflict. So, next time, shift your focus from blaming each other to taking the problem in your hands, dividing who caused what and then look at how you can improve.
5. Thinking its you vs. them
Thinking that the two of you are against each other is the most flawed approach you can have for resolving a conflict. During an argument or a problem, it’s not you against your spouse, but the two of you against the problem. Understand that it is not a battleground where one side must emerge victorious, but rather one where the two of you have to work together to make the problem or the conflict lose. Work together to address the problem and in no time you’ll be back as the lovely couple you were.
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